Ever felt a multitude of thoughts running in your mind troubling you, triggering fear, anxiety, and insecurity? Thoughts that put you into a place of feeling helpless, alone, depressed, rejected, and paralyzed? Me too!
As a child, I was deeply affected by whether somebody likes me or not. I always felt the need to be doing things to please others, the need to standout, speak out loud. An attention seeker. Yet, I would get anxious about things to the point of being frozen from action. In school, it was exams. Instead of starting somewhere in my portions, my anxiety would get the best of me and I would end up with a paralyzing headache making me unable to move forward at all.
I had amazing women in my life like my mom and granmom, who loved me. Still, I was filled with a lot about brokenness from family issues, some rough times in boarding school, and facing rejection often. My experiences summed up to me not knowing who I was, as the enemy tried to mar and disorient my identity.
Yet, the Lord is good. The Shepherd who comes through it all for His sheep, a Father who calls out to His son.
10:3-4 To him the porter openeth; and the sheep hear his voice: and he
calleth his own sheep by name, and leadeth them out.
4 And when he putteth forth his own sheep, he goeth before them, and the sheep follow him: for they know his voice.
God called me out one day, when I was going through the lowest valley feeling depressed, broken, empty, left out and orphaned. And He whispered to me, “I’m with you and I’m for you”
That voice, that encounter set a joy in my heart. I knew this voice, I knew Him all along. He was near, but now that the Father had drawn me to Him. That very year the Lord started to speak destiny and purpose into my life through a Pastor, in a church away from my hometown. I encountered my beautiful Jesus there, committed to Him and to the church. God healed me through the process of just being in Him, as He wiped off every lie over my life with the truth that He is with me and for me. This truth lit up my whole world. I didn’t need validation anymore. I didn’t carry a weak, pity-party attitude anymore. He taught me to study from a place of victory, even after I failed during my boards. He taught me overcome fear and to just begin. To build from this present moment, to focus on the now and work on ahead. This would enable me to cover decent mileage, rather than never starting out in the first place.
Visualize this. You are sitting on the sea shore on a moonlit night and there’s water in front of you, and you are afraid that if you had to get in those waters you’d drown. But Papa God gives you another picture, saying “you’re already drowned in Me.” This thought sets you laughing out of joy, because now in this new life in Christ, you are already dead to the world. So for a person who is already drowned in this love, how can anything else of this world, be it thoughts, struggles, pressure, expectation, whatever you name it overwhelm him/her? Now you’ve been born again into His acceptance and love. As you taste him every day, nothing can be more real to you, and nothing has place to overwhelm you! You are drowned, you are surrounded and covered in this perfect lover Jesus. Rejoice!
Our Guest author for the week is Eston D’souza, a devoted lover of Christ and valued member of our church in Manipal. Eston embraces his experiences, allowing them to be used for the glory of God, ministering the good news to all whom he encounters in this new life with Christ.